I’m so with you. The week before last I was completely mired in what I call “adult admin” just the sheer amount of paperwork and administration required to function as an adult. And it was a quadruple whammy with taxes from 2023 that were still not fixed AND jury duty AND negotiating work contracts AND healthcare everything (FSA reimbursements don’t even get me started on that nonsense) and I just kept thinking to myself “Is this really life?” Like in all the possibilities of life and creation, this is what we’ve come up with?!?!
I have found it helpful lately to recognize that on the day I die there will still be items on my to-do list, and they either won’t get done or someone else will do them. My posture towards this list use to be I had to do everything on it. My posture now towards my list is kind of like patting a monster on the head with a bemused smile. It’s still there, but it loses some power, and it’s not nearly as important as it thinks it is.
I'm with you. I'm not bothered by laundry, which to me, has a satisfying physicality and a momentary feeling of everything being in order (all those folded towels!) and can be done while on the phone with a friend. But, the emails just keep coming, and there is really nothing to do about it other than swing endlessly back and forth btwn feeling on top of it, which means having spent hours in front of a screen dealing with it -- or letting it pile up, which means doing things that I know are more satisfying while pushing a feeling of "to do list waiting" away. It's not easy. My kids' takeaway from watching this is that adulting is not that fun. I'm not sure there is an answer. Some parts of life are more fun than others, but that doesn't mean you can stop doing the not fun ones.
Maybe there's a mindfulness opportunity here? to let the feeling of boredom just be, and to be curious about it rather than assigning it a good vs bad valence? I haven't succeeded at that. Would love to hear other advice.
I have had this in my dreams more than once! only in these dreams it's an apocalyptic scenario, I'm trying desperately to contact my partner, and I can't text. the texts come out garbled or won't go through. also I'm totally with you. I took my email off my phone for the summer (I'm a teacher) and did as MINIMALLY as I could get away with on the computer. Now, I REALLY NOTICE what an attention and focus suck it is to be even on the computer. let alone the countless texting back n forth of daily logistics etc.
I’m gonna go kinda meta on this, and maybe boring, and not helpful probably, but the fact that you’re mixing the unfulfilling side of adulthood with the unfulfilling side of screen time, seems like a space where something could be discovered, because of the common endpoint from two very different sources. 🤔🤔🤔
Podcasting while grinding. Possibly a Jungians episode to get some more insight on your dream? ;) That and instead of daily yoga for self care I schedule for 2-3x/week because then I’ll actually do it and feel good about doing so.
When I’m really disliking a routine or duty that needs daily doing I remind myself that this is my one precious life. How we spend our minutes is how we spend our years. Somehow that perspective helps me tweak or let go of what’s hanging me up. For example, Is it the laundry that’s pissing me off or is it my thoughts about the laundry? Resting, reflecting and resetting are priceless.
Also, the back to school transition coming off an adventurous summer with family is brutal. It’s like going on an extreme dopamine diet. Hang in there!
But what you said really resonates with me. I just read Anxious Generation and one of the things that stayed with me, the most was the idea of embodiment. I’m still doing a bit of reading about that, but when I interact with the phone too much or electronics in general, I feel very disembodied and tired by the whole thing . I get energy in life from being with others. And yet sometimes I want to retreat. Hard to find the right balance.
I completely agree with everything I've just read- especially since the kids went back to school last week. I've felt really anxious and panicky over the past week with the volume of life admin coming through on my phone. I have to work incredibly hard to balance this and ground myself- which I've learnt to do well over the years, but it's exhausting. It feels like a constant battle against life. A few years ago I decided to buy a Nokia flip phone, which I use most days when I'm out and about and have my smart phone connected to the wifi at home- because I need it on for school updates and Whatsapp as that's the main way me and friends/family communicate. I've tried to switch it off completely and it just doesn't work, but aim to turn it off by 6pm. But very often when I'm out and about (like today) I have to have my smart phone for parking. I usually connect to the office wifi to do this, but that's down at the moment so I've had to swap my sim back over.
Sorry, but of a long winded note, but I'm just trying to emphasise the point that it's incredibly difficult to break away from these devices.
But, I do also find that is anything really that urgent? If I turn my smart phone off it's wonderful. If there's an emergency then people will call, the emails and whatsapp's can wait.
Thank you for the posts and updates as they serve as such a great reminder- it's so easy to get sucked in to thinking everything is urgent and you can't be offline. Yes you can, and when you are it's pretty wonderful :)
I think you are amazing, I love your honest direct style and your sense of humor! I am not a parent in the sense of many of your readers…My children are adults and one of them recently had a baby (as well as acquiring a now-11-year-old stepson), so I’m probably not up for subscribing. I am retired and so have more time, but still very frustrated by how hard it is to get anything done. Online forms, long wait times on hold, seemingly incompetent people or systems that don’t work. I have a lot of trouble not getting hysterical and depressed by these things. Antidotes include walking, playing solitaire or a daily board game with my husband, cooking, listening to music. I don’t do Facebook any more or any other social media, but there are still things I want to read on my phone or computer. I used to limit it to a couple hours in the morning, but not doing so well with that any more. And, as many have noted, hard to make and keep friends in this era of COVID. My husband and I recently tested positive for the first time in spite of being among the most careful people we know and getting many shots. Fortunately, we seem to have mild cold-like symptoms, but now I’m angry and afraid again!
As I was reading this I thought, wait - did I write this? I feel like you’re reading my mind. So bored. So many to do lists. So much to be excited about that I’m having trouble getting excited about that I’m bordering on depressed. I got rid of all social media years ago and yet the news, the messages, the emails are seemingly never ending. Not to mention my ToDoist which is amazing (helps me remember things) and terrible (all I think about is my to do list). Save me from this iPhone purgatory.
I too have been in a funk lately as well. And like you, there is no reason for it really. I have a strong family, faith and friends. I work with my very favorite human but just can’t kick this sadness/blah feeling.
Oh, one other thought. I think Kendra Adachi, The Lazy Genius, has lots of good approaches to live in your season that can really help both very practically and with our thoughts and attitudes. She has books and a podcast including a brand new time management book in a few weeks. Anyone struggling with adulting will likely find some helpful nuggets in her work.
I don't know if there's a nugget in here for anyone else but one thing I've had a lot of success with is setting targets for things, both desirable and undesirable. Everything from a target for time on my hobby, limit to alcohol servings per week, a minimum number of minutes walking in a walk. For me, there is a lot of permission in having thoughtfully set a boundary plus it relieves me of always feeling like I need to decide if I've done enough or too little. So Catherine, for example, you could decide you were going to do X loads of laundry in a given period and either someone else does the rest or there becomes some sort of rotation of what gets laundered or you figure out a more efficient way.
I also think you might consider how many nights a week you'd like to be out of the house in the evening. The amorphous "more" might be tripping you up and letting your brain both off the hook and on the hook. You're supposed to be doing something but when is "more" completed?
The trick here may be to set up easy, likely decide free, tracking. I use a whiteboard for much of what I track on a weekly basis.
I’m so with you. The week before last I was completely mired in what I call “adult admin” just the sheer amount of paperwork and administration required to function as an adult. And it was a quadruple whammy with taxes from 2023 that were still not fixed AND jury duty AND negotiating work contracts AND healthcare everything (FSA reimbursements don’t even get me started on that nonsense) and I just kept thinking to myself “Is this really life?” Like in all the possibilities of life and creation, this is what we’ve come up with?!?!
I love this phrase - “adult admin.” Good to have a name for it!
Right?!
I have found it helpful lately to recognize that on the day I die there will still be items on my to-do list, and they either won’t get done or someone else will do them. My posture towards this list use to be I had to do everything on it. My posture now towards my list is kind of like patting a monster on the head with a bemused smile. It’s still there, but it loses some power, and it’s not nearly as important as it thinks it is.
I'm with you. I'm not bothered by laundry, which to me, has a satisfying physicality and a momentary feeling of everything being in order (all those folded towels!) and can be done while on the phone with a friend. But, the emails just keep coming, and there is really nothing to do about it other than swing endlessly back and forth btwn feeling on top of it, which means having spent hours in front of a screen dealing with it -- or letting it pile up, which means doing things that I know are more satisfying while pushing a feeling of "to do list waiting" away. It's not easy. My kids' takeaway from watching this is that adulting is not that fun. I'm not sure there is an answer. Some parts of life are more fun than others, but that doesn't mean you can stop doing the not fun ones.
Maybe there's a mindfulness opportunity here? to let the feeling of boredom just be, and to be curious about it rather than assigning it a good vs bad valence? I haven't succeeded at that. Would love to hear other advice.
I have had this in my dreams more than once! only in these dreams it's an apocalyptic scenario, I'm trying desperately to contact my partner, and I can't text. the texts come out garbled or won't go through. also I'm totally with you. I took my email off my phone for the summer (I'm a teacher) and did as MINIMALLY as I could get away with on the computer. Now, I REALLY NOTICE what an attention and focus suck it is to be even on the computer. let alone the countless texting back n forth of daily logistics etc.
I've started realizing how much time and brain power is spent texting (whether it be logistics or to keep in touch)... it's much more than I'd like!
I’m gonna go kinda meta on this, and maybe boring, and not helpful probably, but the fact that you’re mixing the unfulfilling side of adulthood with the unfulfilling side of screen time, seems like a space where something could be discovered, because of the common endpoint from two very different sources. 🤔🤔🤔
Podcasting while grinding. Possibly a Jungians episode to get some more insight on your dream? ;) That and instead of daily yoga for self care I schedule for 2-3x/week because then I’ll actually do it and feel good about doing so.
When I’m really disliking a routine or duty that needs daily doing I remind myself that this is my one precious life. How we spend our minutes is how we spend our years. Somehow that perspective helps me tweak or let go of what’s hanging me up. For example, Is it the laundry that’s pissing me off or is it my thoughts about the laundry? Resting, reflecting and resetting are priceless.
Also, the back to school transition coming off an adventurous summer with family is brutal. It’s like going on an extreme dopamine diet. Hang in there!
Here is a laundry reframe I read once:
Our job is to make sure there are clean clothes, not empty laundry baskets.
I felt less laundry pressure after reading that!
YES. I love that! Writing it down and sticking to my desk. 💘
But what you said really resonates with me. I just read Anxious Generation and one of the things that stayed with me, the most was the idea of embodiment. I’m still doing a bit of reading about that, but when I interact with the phone too much or electronics in general, I feel very disembodied and tired by the whole thing . I get energy in life from being with others. And yet sometimes I want to retreat. Hard to find the right balance.
I completely agree with everything I've just read- especially since the kids went back to school last week. I've felt really anxious and panicky over the past week with the volume of life admin coming through on my phone. I have to work incredibly hard to balance this and ground myself- which I've learnt to do well over the years, but it's exhausting. It feels like a constant battle against life. A few years ago I decided to buy a Nokia flip phone, which I use most days when I'm out and about and have my smart phone connected to the wifi at home- because I need it on for school updates and Whatsapp as that's the main way me and friends/family communicate. I've tried to switch it off completely and it just doesn't work, but aim to turn it off by 6pm. But very often when I'm out and about (like today) I have to have my smart phone for parking. I usually connect to the office wifi to do this, but that's down at the moment so I've had to swap my sim back over.
Sorry, but of a long winded note, but I'm just trying to emphasise the point that it's incredibly difficult to break away from these devices.
But, I do also find that is anything really that urgent? If I turn my smart phone off it's wonderful. If there's an emergency then people will call, the emails and whatsapp's can wait.
Thank you for the posts and updates as they serve as such a great reminder- it's so easy to get sucked in to thinking everything is urgent and you can't be offline. Yes you can, and when you are it's pretty wonderful :)
Hi, Catherine,
I think you are amazing, I love your honest direct style and your sense of humor! I am not a parent in the sense of many of your readers…My children are adults and one of them recently had a baby (as well as acquiring a now-11-year-old stepson), so I’m probably not up for subscribing. I am retired and so have more time, but still very frustrated by how hard it is to get anything done. Online forms, long wait times on hold, seemingly incompetent people or systems that don’t work. I have a lot of trouble not getting hysterical and depressed by these things. Antidotes include walking, playing solitaire or a daily board game with my husband, cooking, listening to music. I don’t do Facebook any more or any other social media, but there are still things I want to read on my phone or computer. I used to limit it to a couple hours in the morning, but not doing so well with that any more. And, as many have noted, hard to make and keep friends in this era of COVID. My husband and I recently tested positive for the first time in spite of being among the most careful people we know and getting many shots. Fortunately, we seem to have mild cold-like symptoms, but now I’m angry and afraid again!
I used to have dreams about building PowerPoint documents that could never be finished..
As I was reading this I thought, wait - did I write this? I feel like you’re reading my mind. So bored. So many to do lists. So much to be excited about that I’m having trouble getting excited about that I’m bordering on depressed. I got rid of all social media years ago and yet the news, the messages, the emails are seemingly never ending. Not to mention my ToDoist which is amazing (helps me remember things) and terrible (all I think about is my to do list). Save me from this iPhone purgatory.
I too have been in a funk lately as well. And like you, there is no reason for it really. I have a strong family, faith and friends. I work with my very favorite human but just can’t kick this sadness/blah feeling.
I’ve had that dream. Along with one where I can’t ever finish packing or getting dressed or both and have to BE somewhere at a specific time.
Oh, one other thought. I think Kendra Adachi, The Lazy Genius, has lots of good approaches to live in your season that can really help both very practically and with our thoughts and attitudes. She has books and a podcast including a brand new time management book in a few weeks. Anyone struggling with adulting will likely find some helpful nuggets in her work.
I don't know if there's a nugget in here for anyone else but one thing I've had a lot of success with is setting targets for things, both desirable and undesirable. Everything from a target for time on my hobby, limit to alcohol servings per week, a minimum number of minutes walking in a walk. For me, there is a lot of permission in having thoughtfully set a boundary plus it relieves me of always feeling like I need to decide if I've done enough or too little. So Catherine, for example, you could decide you were going to do X loads of laundry in a given period and either someone else does the rest or there becomes some sort of rotation of what gets laundered or you figure out a more efficient way.
I also think you might consider how many nights a week you'd like to be out of the house in the evening. The amorphous "more" might be tripping you up and letting your brain both off the hook and on the hook. You're supposed to be doing something but when is "more" completed?
The trick here may be to set up easy, likely decide free, tracking. I use a whiteboard for much of what I track on a weekly basis.
Always with you Catherine lol I’ve had similar dreams