Busy But Bored

aka The Challenge of Modern Adulthood

The other night, I had a dream that deeply disturbed me. No, it wasn’t about monsters, or illness, or AI taking all of our jobs (more on that in a future newsletter).

It was about texting.

More specifically, I dreamed that I had just received a text message about a contract that I’ve been trying to negotiate: I was being asked to do the same amount of work as I’d done in the past, but the budget for the project had been cut by half. (In other words, it was a freelancer’s version of a nightmare.)

The dream version of me — which apparently is more assertive than the real version — was trying to text back the words, “That’s a hard NO” to the unidentified sender of the text message. (Note: that is not an expression that I’ve texted to anyone, ever — who am I? A movie agent in Los Angeles?)

But my autocorrect was not working properly, and every time I tried to type the words, they came out garbled, forcing me to erase the mistakes and try again.

That’s a ahare no

That’s ao ahrd to

That’s ahrd no

Et cetera.

This man does not look like he is having fun. Photo by Eddy Billard on Unsplash

Now, granted, none of the autocorrects were embarrassing, which is something I’ve been struggling with recently.¹ But no matter how many times I tried, I could not seem to type the message correctly. I was caught in a Sisyphean loop of typing and deleting and typing again.

The reason it was a nightmare is twofold. First, how depressing is it to have a DREAM ABOUT TEXT MESSAGES? I don’t want to be dreaming about SMS messages; I want to be dreaming about winning the Olympics, or being able to fly, or something else fantastical and fun. Honestly, even some of my recurring stress dreams (I’m doing a presentation I haven’t prepared for, my teeth are falling out and no one cares, etc, etc) are more life-affirming than dreaming about thumb-typing on my phone.

And the second reason it was a nightmare is that it reminded me—both literally and metaphorically — of how I’ve been feeling recently about real life.

Is anyone with me on this?

What I mean is that literally speaking, I spend way, WAY more of my time texting — and emailing, and staring at my computer, and reading the news, and engaging with various forms of online communication — than is possibly good for my mental wellbeing. I justify this as “staying in touch with friends” or “doing work” or “keeping up with current events” — all of which are true, to a certain extent — but it’s not nourishing and, when it goes too far, it leads to exhaustion and feelings of loneliness (and, apparently, something called “dead butt syndrome”); spending just an hour with a friend in person is worth hundreds of text messages. (Actually, I know I’m not the only one feeling this way — here’s one of the many articles I’ve seen in the past week about adult loneliness!)

Metaphorically speaking, this endless typing and correcting and typing again reminded me of the drudgery that seems to accompany much of adult life — and, more specifically, the drudgery that accompanies certain aspects of parenthood. Like, for example, laundry. Laundry, to my mind, is a nightmare — one of those Zombie-themed ones in which no matter what you do, the monster (or, in this case, the pile of dirty socks and underwear) keeps coming back, again and again, refusing to be killed, requiring you to wash and fold and wash and fold and wash again, until you wake up in a panic, your sheets soaked through with sweat (which only adds to the laundry pile).

An image that haunts my dreams. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

In fact, I think, in a way, that this dream was my version of a back-to-school nightmare, in which — after a summer that felt delightfully full of real-life experiences and free from responsibilities (in large part because we went to a lot of camps, more on which in a future newsletter) — I have been thrust back into my regular responsibilities and daily grind, and I do not like it.

It makes me wonder: how are you — how am I, how are we — supposed to feel alive, how are we supposed to feel like we’re not wasting our time, if we’re filling our days with the seemingly never-ending to-do lists of adult life? Right now, I feel like everywhere I look, I see an obligation — and it’s exhausting.

Now, I know that sounds very dark and depressing, so please note that I have an objectively amazing life (and family!). This truly is not meant as a complaint. But as long-time readers of this Substack know, I am someone who has a constant to-do list running through her mind, and who is very bothered by clutter. I also have a tough time turning off my brain (understatement) and “relaxing” — for example, I don’t watch television or movies, I don’t particularly enjoy reading fiction, and the last thing I want to do in my leisure time is spend more time alone in the house — which makes weeknights particularly difficult. I’d love to go out in the evenings, ideally with my husband, but that requires paying for a babysitter.

In other words, despite many wonderful things that are going on in my life right now, the back-to-school adjustment is hitting me hard. I feel busy, and yet bored — and I’m wondering if you do, too.

---

---

---

I’m also wondering if you’ve tried or done anything that helps make daily adult life — in particular, daily parenting life — feel less onerous. For example, I’m personally really trying to prioritize and make time for my own interests, such as playing the piano. I’m also trying to go for daily walks while the weather is beautiful, and to make plans to see friends. But I’m always looking for other ideas.

While I have you . . .

I’m also wondering if any of you all have ideas for how I can make the Fun Squad (my term for paid subscribers) more fun. Someone recently suggested that we have an ongoing group chat about some of the subjects raised in this newsletter — as they put it, they thought it’d be useful and fun to have:

“a network of adults kicking around great ideas about how to keep our friends and families (especially kids) engaged outside and off screens.”

What do you think? Is this a feature that would bring you joy and/or make you want to become a paid subscriber/Fun Squad member? The basic idea would be that I’d post a “question of the week” for Fun Squad members could weigh in on — which hopefully would be a nice way to build a sense of community and share ideas for how to make daily life more fun.

Your answers are important, because I could see it being fun for me if it got people engaged, but I do not want to add more screen time to my life if it’s not enjoyable!

---

To scrolling less, living more, and improving the quality of our stress dreams,

Catherine Price

PS: Here’s my recommended read of the week — a Substack post titled “Your Phone is Why You Don’t Feel Sexy,” by Catherine Shannon. Thank you, Abby, for sending it my way!

PPS: Speaking of screen time . . . I’ve long resisted being on social media for all of the reasons I have mentioned in this email. (Has anyone out there had dreams about Instagram? If so, I am SO SORRY FOR YOU.)

However, I recently realized I could use social media as a force for good (and be somewhat subversive) if I used social media to share practical tips for how to spend less time on social media — and (in order to preserve my own sanity) had my wonderful assistant Jenn do the posting for me.

So I’m doing an experiment: for the month of September (and in honor of back-to-school season), I’ll be writing (and she’ll be posting) a series of tips for how to manage your family’s screen time and set better boundaries with devices. If you’re interested, feel free to follow along. (Here’s the link; I’ll also try to remember to post them to Notes on Substack.)

But please, whatever you do, DO NOT SEND ME A DIRECT MESSAGE ON INSTAGRAM! I never check it (honestly, I don’t even understand how to check it — and I refuse to learn). Just leave a comment here instead. And then maybe get off Instagram yourself, because it’s soul-sucking and evil.

1. Case in point: my phone has recently begun to autocorrect the word “cabin” — SPELLED CORRECTLY! — to “vagina.” This is both baffling and extremely embarrassing, especially if you are trying to assign cabins for a camp weekend with friends.