You have so perfectly summed up why I deleted Instagram off my phone! I do love photos, since as I tell my children, in my 40s mom-brain, I'm realizing more and more that if I don't have pictures of something we did as a family, I honestly might not remember it (read: almost anything during their toddler years). So, YES pictures. I might send these to my mom via email or text them to my sister or friends, or share them with my Oma via GrandPad, or even after the trip, to my private Instagram so extended family can see them (then I delete the app again!). However, my days of photos for likes or attention are forever over, and due to my age, really only existed from about 2013 - 2022. My friends and siblings and I marvel often over the fact that our picture-taking in our teens and early 20s involved getting film developed or having to upload digital files to get printed photos, and the lack of immediacy in these methods is vastly different than what our kids are experiencing now. All that to say, I loved this piece and thank you for your work!
What an experience! I never think about what goes on behind the scenes of taking that picturesque photo for Instagram - the amount of failed attempts, and the strain that must have on relationships. For the last few months I have deleted social media apps off my phone and tablet, and I haven't missed it, honestly recommend doing it!
Great post! I have deleted the social media apps on my phone this summer and I seriously think that they won’t be coming back. One of the great inspirations for me was a book by Mark Boyle “The Way Home”. It starts like this: “It was 11pm when I checked my email for the last time and turned off my phone for what I hoped would be forever.”
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that, that I discovered what social media and smartphone was doing to me the last couple of years. That my stress symptoms where due to an overwhelming amount of online stimuli. What I feel now is a feeling of freedom and coming back to myself again. I don’t read news, I do not check social media. Instead I am more in the nature, reading books, doing things I forgot I liked and trying new things I didn’t know I could!
Somehow...I'm liking the term "grooming" for what's happened to (a lot of) us. I like the villainous aspect that provides. I like the villainous aspect of the Browning Out too, of the reefs, just without the flailing around for *earthly* villains, because clearly, none of us humans would have done any of this to ourselves, even if it *seems* we almost all did. When I read here, like with Haidt's stuff over the last ten years, I feel like I'm watching the turning point happen. Cheering.
I think about this exact thing all the time. It is fascinating how my photography habits have changed since I left social media in my mid-30s. I am no longer compelled to post a “highlights reel” of my life but rather take occasional photo that is for me. I sometimes wonder, though: is Substack “social media”!?
I find it so, so horrifying. We spent part of the summer at the grandparents in Southern Europe and see this at the beach all the time. My son and I are swimming and building sandcastles and eating ice cream, and these girls pull up, take glamour shots, and leave, without actually enjoying the water. I find it bizarre how unselfconscious they are. I’d feel mortified posing?
My son is only 7 but I’ve been pointing out when people are being silly on their phones in hopes of increasing his awareness of it.
I’m so sorry you were disappointed in your snorkeling experience… just fyi it is also sunscreen that is destroying the reef as well as unaware snorkelers standing on and kicking the reef. We live in the Virgin Islands and have front row seats to the new flocks of humans coming to visit our beautiful island. It is a sad awakening. My daughter is 12, my son 8 and we are constantly talking about the actions of the tourists and the absurdity and fakeness that takes place. Then we go to our favorite spots and do our favorite things.. and maybe I remember to take a photo. Talking about what’s happening with your children and then living real life is the only solution. Also, next time you venture into uncharted waters (lol) ask the locals where you should go… they want you to have a good time.
Such a frustrating experience for you. But I appreciate your reflections on the situation and I think you are spot on. Social media is just such a time suck as well as bad for our mental health. When I don't use it I notice I don't really miss it. Maybe time to step away for longer periods of time.
LMFAO at your story, Catherine. Beautifully written.
The need to perform, presenting a manufactured highlight reel version of life is depressing for many reasons. Even if said Aphrodite post attracted all the likes and follows, the main protagonist knows deep down that the likes were for the role she played, not the real her.
I agree that a jumping in the air shot is different. About 10 years ago (possibly longer actually) a group of friends and I were at the park having a picnic and I had my fancy pants camera with me and we spent a good hour trying to get a jumping photo where all of us were in the hair. It was great fun and just turned into us seeing how high of fast we could jump and laughing at the stupid faces and angles we were captured at. I think the difference perhaps was the photo was for us and no one else. And because it was just for us it was fun
Whoo, does this resonate. We were in Paris in June and watching the teen girls perform for their social media documenting friends was a little shocking (and I teach high school). What was even more fascinating was watching the "surprise" proposals in front of the Eiffel Tower at dusk. There was the deluxe, medium, and bare bones photographers and it was so performative that it felt like it was more about social media than it was about them or their relationship. It made for some interesting people watching but it was exhausting just to witness. I can't imagine living my life that way.
Well, despite the crummy afternoon on the spread eagle, the performative life failings on display, and the destruction of the coral reefs with climate change poised to keep turning up the heat to boil... I thoroughly enjoyed your telling of this extremely important parable of sorts!
I agree wholeheartedly with your conclusions and actions, too.
Sat next to a guy on the plane yesterday who mindlessly scrolled through tiktok videos (like the one the seagoddesses were making) for the whole trip. So maybe they entertained some thousands of people for 10 seconds before being scrolled/swiped away.
Sad.
Let's share Puerto Rico stories, we have some bad and good ones from a trip there over Spring break this year, too.
You have so perfectly summed up why I deleted Instagram off my phone! I do love photos, since as I tell my children, in my 40s mom-brain, I'm realizing more and more that if I don't have pictures of something we did as a family, I honestly might not remember it (read: almost anything during their toddler years). So, YES pictures. I might send these to my mom via email or text them to my sister or friends, or share them with my Oma via GrandPad, or even after the trip, to my private Instagram so extended family can see them (then I delete the app again!). However, my days of photos for likes or attention are forever over, and due to my age, really only existed from about 2013 - 2022. My friends and siblings and I marvel often over the fact that our picture-taking in our teens and early 20s involved getting film developed or having to upload digital files to get printed photos, and the lack of immediacy in these methods is vastly different than what our kids are experiencing now. All that to say, I loved this piece and thank you for your work!
What an experience! I never think about what goes on behind the scenes of taking that picturesque photo for Instagram - the amount of failed attempts, and the strain that must have on relationships. For the last few months I have deleted social media apps off my phone and tablet, and I haven't missed it, honestly recommend doing it!
Great post! I have deleted the social media apps on my phone this summer and I seriously think that they won’t be coming back. One of the great inspirations for me was a book by Mark Boyle “The Way Home”. It starts like this: “It was 11pm when I checked my email for the last time and turned off my phone for what I hoped would be forever.”
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that, that I discovered what social media and smartphone was doing to me the last couple of years. That my stress symptoms where due to an overwhelming amount of online stimuli. What I feel now is a feeling of freedom and coming back to myself again. I don’t read news, I do not check social media. Instead I am more in the nature, reading books, doing things I forgot I liked and trying new things I didn’t know I could!
Somehow...I'm liking the term "grooming" for what's happened to (a lot of) us. I like the villainous aspect that provides. I like the villainous aspect of the Browning Out too, of the reefs, just without the flailing around for *earthly* villains, because clearly, none of us humans would have done any of this to ourselves, even if it *seems* we almost all did. When I read here, like with Haidt's stuff over the last ten years, I feel like I'm watching the turning point happen. Cheering.
I think about this exact thing all the time. It is fascinating how my photography habits have changed since I left social media in my mid-30s. I am no longer compelled to post a “highlights reel” of my life but rather take occasional photo that is for me. I sometimes wonder, though: is Substack “social media”!?
I find it so, so horrifying. We spent part of the summer at the grandparents in Southern Europe and see this at the beach all the time. My son and I are swimming and building sandcastles and eating ice cream, and these girls pull up, take glamour shots, and leave, without actually enjoying the water. I find it bizarre how unselfconscious they are. I’d feel mortified posing?
My son is only 7 but I’ve been pointing out when people are being silly on their phones in hopes of increasing his awareness of it.
Here here! 🙌
I’m so sorry you were disappointed in your snorkeling experience… just fyi it is also sunscreen that is destroying the reef as well as unaware snorkelers standing on and kicking the reef. We live in the Virgin Islands and have front row seats to the new flocks of humans coming to visit our beautiful island. It is a sad awakening. My daughter is 12, my son 8 and we are constantly talking about the actions of the tourists and the absurdity and fakeness that takes place. Then we go to our favorite spots and do our favorite things.. and maybe I remember to take a photo. Talking about what’s happening with your children and then living real life is the only solution. Also, next time you venture into uncharted waters (lol) ask the locals where you should go… they want you to have a good time.
Such a frustrating experience for you. But I appreciate your reflections on the situation and I think you are spot on. Social media is just such a time suck as well as bad for our mental health. When I don't use it I notice I don't really miss it. Maybe time to step away for longer periods of time.
LMFAO at your story, Catherine. Beautifully written.
The need to perform, presenting a manufactured highlight reel version of life is depressing for many reasons. Even if said Aphrodite post attracted all the likes and follows, the main protagonist knows deep down that the likes were for the role she played, not the real her.
Empty love.
I agree that a jumping in the air shot is different. About 10 years ago (possibly longer actually) a group of friends and I were at the park having a picnic and I had my fancy pants camera with me and we spent a good hour trying to get a jumping photo where all of us were in the hair. It was great fun and just turned into us seeing how high of fast we could jump and laughing at the stupid faces and angles we were captured at. I think the difference perhaps was the photo was for us and no one else. And because it was just for us it was fun
Whoo, does this resonate. We were in Paris in June and watching the teen girls perform for their social media documenting friends was a little shocking (and I teach high school). What was even more fascinating was watching the "surprise" proposals in front of the Eiffel Tower at dusk. There was the deluxe, medium, and bare bones photographers and it was so performative that it felt like it was more about social media than it was about them or their relationship. It made for some interesting people watching but it was exhausting just to witness. I can't imagine living my life that way.
Well, despite the crummy afternoon on the spread eagle, the performative life failings on display, and the destruction of the coral reefs with climate change poised to keep turning up the heat to boil... I thoroughly enjoyed your telling of this extremely important parable of sorts!
I agree wholeheartedly with your conclusions and actions, too.
Sat next to a guy on the plane yesterday who mindlessly scrolled through tiktok videos (like the one the seagoddesses were making) for the whole trip. So maybe they entertained some thousands of people for 10 seconds before being scrolled/swiped away.
Sad.
Let's share Puerto Rico stories, we have some bad and good ones from a trip there over Spring break this year, too.