One thing that interests me about social media and younger kids is how it continues to be perceived. Social media is deeeeply uncool to my 6th grader. It would be embarrassing to have an account! Only the ancients (that would be us parents) and obnoxious try-hards are on social media. I am mocked for rotting my brain if he catches me watching reels, which I find amusing. Let me watch someone pressure washing a driveway in peace while I wait for you to finish brushing your teeth!!
We'll see how that goes as he gets older. He does have a smartphone and we have rules for it that are not difficult to manage. And our schools have a strict no phones/smartwatches out policy. It's been a good tool to go hand in hand with unsupervised play and independence at this age, when he is able to branch out farther and farther from home. But that's our experience and coming from me who uses my phone/social media to boost my offline activities and community building.
I am so relieved to see this POV gaining traction. Last year, my older son's 4th grade class activated a "Wait Until Eighth" pledge, and I am hoping a "Wait until College" pledge comes out before he's in 8th grade, because I couldn't agree more about the need to give our kids the gift of what we had....a phone-free childhood. Thanks for sharing this!
Not so fun fact: when my friends who have children give their children unsupervised play, they have no idea what to do! This is a problem from the top down -- if the parents are going to model phone use and don't model how to have fun without their phones, then unsupervised play isn't going to work in my opinion.
Kelly, that is both depressing and SO TRUE. We adults need to rethink our phone use, too — and like you say, restrengthen our own abilities to enjoy our leisure time *without* our phones. I think it’s hard, but I do believe that once we get back in touch with what it feels like to *truly* have fun, our phones will become less appealing. (At least that’s what’s happened to me!) Thanks for sharing.
I'm with you!!! I have a 15 year old girl, and it is very much a concern for my friends with teen daughters. we are in a small but very lucky community-under-a-rock it would seem, that has all insisted on not giving our kids phones for the most part (Asheville, NC area), and our teens astonishingly are adamant about the toxic nature of phones and social media! hallelujah! And, I really believe legislation needs to be passed. this is an emergency for everyone.
I’m with you! My fifth grader got an iPhone this year since they’re on their own afterschool - they walk to the library, game store, etc - but I’ve removed all “fun” apps leaving on text, phone, and music. And there’s no way I’m letting them or their younger brother get social media any time soon. Luckily it doesn’t seem like their friends are online at all, so we don’t have pressure there.
That’s great to hear that their peers aren’t on phones yet! For the future, you may want to look into some of the “family plans” offered by the cell/internet providers that offer MUCH more robust parental controls than what’s natively on the iPhone (I say that not just in case it’s ever useful for you, but for anyone else reading this). Just look up your cell/internet provider and “parental control” - or check out that post I linked to about smartphone alternatives (I put a bunch of links in there). Thanks again for sharing your experience!
This is a must read post, thank you Catherine for your passion, courage, and expertise! Smartphone based childhoods are clearly degrading friendships, happiness, self confidence, and opportunities for growth. The graphs, studies, and data on this speak for themselves.
We just got back from a week in Puerto Rico as well (ha!). We are also not beach people, and can't beach like Ken. Our daughter is in 7th grade and is 1 of only 3 other kids who do not have a cell phone! Some probably have phones but without the social, which my wife and I absolutely will pledge along with you to keep forestalling!
Your dual energies here in terms of enlightening people about the power of fun and the harms of cell phone addiction are mutually reinforcing, and should be foundational for good health along with diet, exercise, and sleep.
Many thanks, and I wish someone like you had come along and stepped up for the kids in my daughter's class! I know they would have been a happier, more self-assured, bonded bunch.
Hello Catherine, thanks for this post and for your work on the subject. It's still early days for me as a parent of a 2 year old but I'm scared of what lies ahead. Reading your book and others like Stolen Focus and the works of Jaron Lanier and Tristan Harris have made me very conscious and worried of what things will look like if we don't act collectively.
I'm a graphic designer, specialised in posters and have worked for many social / educational / environmental awareness campaigns. I'd been thinking on creating a series of posters on these issues for a while. I'd be happy to contribute to this movement with my work if that's of your interest.
Gustavo, thank you for your comment and for your offer to contribute some design work. I think that would be wonderful. Feel free to reach out to me/my assistant Jenn at hello@screenlifebalance.com !
I emailed federal representatives about the social media ban for kids <=16. And my state ones about the phone ban in schools. They don't get a lot of emails direct from constituents about issues like this and just a few of these, especially for your state representatives who are are the ones that control schools, can move the needle. I also have told the head of my kid's school that this is an important issue and we need to ban phones. So go let people know what you want! it doesn't need to be complicated. Just something like "there is a lot of data that shows the social media and cell phones are really bad for kids. Have you read the new book by Jon Haidt about this? Please do or read articles like [like to a blog or article by Haidt or to Catherine Price's stuff or both]. An important and simple thing we can do to help is to ban phones in school. What is your position on this? How can we get this moving? Thanks!"
I also have a third grade daughter, and a fifth grade son and you expressed so much of how I feel — both driven to speak up while also a bit scared of what the reaction will be. it would be great to share anything people are sending to their children’s friends. I signed up for wait until eighth a few years ago, but it has still not been public at my kids’ school as we haven’t reached the critical mass of participants in each of their grades. I agree that the climate seems to have shifted where more and more people are talking about this. Having said that, I sent the Atlantic article to our superintendent, not the first thing I have sent about phone-free, and received a very noncommittal answer saying that they wait for the state to give guidelines on these things. That was very frustrating as the schools seem like the best place to get this collective action that is needed so that no one feels they are missing out. I applaud you for talking about this and helping for others to action. Thank you!
I hear you on all this! I’ll definitely share insights from my own experience and encourage other readers to do the same. Maybe a good place to start would be to gather examples of language/guidance that other schools have already issued, both as sources for potential language and inspiration, and to demonstrate to wary school admins that other schools are doing this, and that thus they won’t be going totally out on a limb. If anyone reading this has examples, please share them!
Thanks for the mention of my Substack, and I am glad you enjoy reading it! This is such a critical issue. It's good to know that other parents are on board. It gets lonely when you're the odd one out, forging a path that's different from everyone else's—but there is strength in numbers.
Thank you for the shout out @Catherine Price. Parents and kids noticing, discussing and reflecting on tech’s role in their lives and families is crucial! I so appreciate your thoughtful work.
Stay tuned, Antoine! This is a passion of mine and I'll be posting more on this over the past couple weeks/months. You may also want to check out Jon Haidt's substack, "After Babel," as well as Melanie Hempe's "Be ScreenStrong")
Agreed heavily. I got a phone in middle school and I very much wish I hadn't. I see kids all the time unable to cope without phones and having screens be used as a way to be ignored or quieted by parents, often cited for the "ease" of it. I'll be having kids in the near future and phones will not be a part of growing up.
Thanks for sharing this, Bryce. I'm curious to hear more about why you wish you hadn't gotten a phone in middle school -- I think it's so important for other people (parents, parents-to-be, etc) to hear about these experiences.
One thing that interests me about social media and younger kids is how it continues to be perceived. Social media is deeeeply uncool to my 6th grader. It would be embarrassing to have an account! Only the ancients (that would be us parents) and obnoxious try-hards are on social media. I am mocked for rotting my brain if he catches me watching reels, which I find amusing. Let me watch someone pressure washing a driveway in peace while I wait for you to finish brushing your teeth!!
We'll see how that goes as he gets older. He does have a smartphone and we have rules for it that are not difficult to manage. And our schools have a strict no phones/smartwatches out policy. It's been a good tool to go hand in hand with unsupervised play and independence at this age, when he is able to branch out farther and farther from home. But that's our experience and coming from me who uses my phone/social media to boost my offline activities and community building.
I am so relieved to see this POV gaining traction. Last year, my older son's 4th grade class activated a "Wait Until Eighth" pledge, and I am hoping a "Wait until College" pledge comes out before he's in 8th grade, because I couldn't agree more about the need to give our kids the gift of what we had....a phone-free childhood. Thanks for sharing this!
Not so fun fact: when my friends who have children give their children unsupervised play, they have no idea what to do! This is a problem from the top down -- if the parents are going to model phone use and don't model how to have fun without their phones, then unsupervised play isn't going to work in my opinion.
Kelly, that is both depressing and SO TRUE. We adults need to rethink our phone use, too — and like you say, restrengthen our own abilities to enjoy our leisure time *without* our phones. I think it’s hard, but I do believe that once we get back in touch with what it feels like to *truly* have fun, our phones will become less appealing. (At least that’s what’s happened to me!) Thanks for sharing.
I'm with you!!! I have a 15 year old girl, and it is very much a concern for my friends with teen daughters. we are in a small but very lucky community-under-a-rock it would seem, that has all insisted on not giving our kids phones for the most part (Asheville, NC area), and our teens astonishingly are adamant about the toxic nature of phones and social media! hallelujah! And, I really believe legislation needs to be passed. this is an emergency for everyone.
I’m with you! My fifth grader got an iPhone this year since they’re on their own afterschool - they walk to the library, game store, etc - but I’ve removed all “fun” apps leaving on text, phone, and music. And there’s no way I’m letting them or their younger brother get social media any time soon. Luckily it doesn’t seem like their friends are online at all, so we don’t have pressure there.
That’s great to hear that their peers aren’t on phones yet! For the future, you may want to look into some of the “family plans” offered by the cell/internet providers that offer MUCH more robust parental controls than what’s natively on the iPhone (I say that not just in case it’s ever useful for you, but for anyone else reading this). Just look up your cell/internet provider and “parental control” - or check out that post I linked to about smartphone alternatives (I put a bunch of links in there). Thanks again for sharing your experience!
This is a must read post, thank you Catherine for your passion, courage, and expertise! Smartphone based childhoods are clearly degrading friendships, happiness, self confidence, and opportunities for growth. The graphs, studies, and data on this speak for themselves.
We just got back from a week in Puerto Rico as well (ha!). We are also not beach people, and can't beach like Ken. Our daughter is in 7th grade and is 1 of only 3 other kids who do not have a cell phone! Some probably have phones but without the social, which my wife and I absolutely will pledge along with you to keep forestalling!
Your dual energies here in terms of enlightening people about the power of fun and the harms of cell phone addiction are mutually reinforcing, and should be foundational for good health along with diet, exercise, and sleep.
Many thanks, and I wish someone like you had come along and stepped up for the kids in my daughter's class! I know they would have been a happier, more self-assured, bonded bunch.
And sorry for all the exclamation points, I just got fired up (!)
Hello Catherine, thanks for this post and for your work on the subject. It's still early days for me as a parent of a 2 year old but I'm scared of what lies ahead. Reading your book and others like Stolen Focus and the works of Jaron Lanier and Tristan Harris have made me very conscious and worried of what things will look like if we don't act collectively.
I'm a graphic designer, specialised in posters and have worked for many social / educational / environmental awareness campaigns. I'd been thinking on creating a series of posters on these issues for a while. I'd be happy to contribute to this movement with my work if that's of your interest.
Thanks, Gustavo Morales / Kattattak Studio
Gustavo, thank you for your comment and for your offer to contribute some design work. I think that would be wonderful. Feel free to reach out to me/my assistant Jenn at hello@screenlifebalance.com !
We are in! Already working on this. Also emailing our representatives about banning social media for kids.
Ooh! Tell me/us more about what you’re saying to your reps and how the rest of us can do something similar!
I emailed federal representatives about the social media ban for kids <=16. And my state ones about the phone ban in schools. They don't get a lot of emails direct from constituents about issues like this and just a few of these, especially for your state representatives who are are the ones that control schools, can move the needle. I also have told the head of my kid's school that this is an important issue and we need to ban phones. So go let people know what you want! it doesn't need to be complicated. Just something like "there is a lot of data that shows the social media and cell phones are really bad for kids. Have you read the new book by Jon Haidt about this? Please do or read articles like [like to a blog or article by Haidt or to Catherine Price's stuff or both]. An important and simple thing we can do to help is to ban phones in school. What is your position on this? How can we get this moving? Thanks!"
I also have a third grade daughter, and a fifth grade son and you expressed so much of how I feel — both driven to speak up while also a bit scared of what the reaction will be. it would be great to share anything people are sending to their children’s friends. I signed up for wait until eighth a few years ago, but it has still not been public at my kids’ school as we haven’t reached the critical mass of participants in each of their grades. I agree that the climate seems to have shifted where more and more people are talking about this. Having said that, I sent the Atlantic article to our superintendent, not the first thing I have sent about phone-free, and received a very noncommittal answer saying that they wait for the state to give guidelines on these things. That was very frustrating as the schools seem like the best place to get this collective action that is needed so that no one feels they are missing out. I applaud you for talking about this and helping for others to action. Thank you!
I hear you on all this! I’ll definitely share insights from my own experience and encourage other readers to do the same. Maybe a good place to start would be to gather examples of language/guidance that other schools have already issued, both as sources for potential language and inspiration, and to demonstrate to wary school admins that other schools are doing this, and that thus they won’t be going totally out on a limb. If anyone reading this has examples, please share them!
Thanks for the mention of my Substack, and I am glad you enjoy reading it! This is such a critical issue. It's good to know that other parents are on board. It gets lonely when you're the odd one out, forging a path that's different from everyone else's—but there is strength in numbers.
Thank you for the shout out @Catherine Price. Parents and kids noticing, discussing and reflecting on tech’s role in their lives and families is crucial! I so appreciate your thoughtful work.
Right back at you!
My kids are 4 and 2 so this hasn't come up yet, but I volunteer with teenagers and I definitely think this is so important!
I'm definitely in!
YES !!!! SO agree with you. Cant wait to read Haidts book. I would love to to help fuel a movement in my town
I am in! I would like to do the same thing at my daughter's school. I am not sure where to start.
Stay tuned, Antoine! This is a passion of mine and I'll be posting more on this over the past couple weeks/months. You may also want to check out Jon Haidt's substack, "After Babel," as well as Melanie Hempe's "Be ScreenStrong")
Agreed heavily. I got a phone in middle school and I very much wish I hadn't. I see kids all the time unable to cope without phones and having screens be used as a way to be ignored or quieted by parents, often cited for the "ease" of it. I'll be having kids in the near future and phones will not be a part of growing up.
Thanks for sharing this, Bryce. I'm curious to hear more about why you wish you hadn't gotten a phone in middle school -- I think it's so important for other people (parents, parents-to-be, etc) to hear about these experiences.
My copy is ariving tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT TO DIG IN.