How to Make Thanksgiving Less Stressful

Suggestions for how to reduce screens and conflict — and actually connect

Hi, everyone.

Thank you to everyone who shared and commented on my last post about how to cope—I truly appreciate it, and am glad you found it helpful.

I’ve taken a few weeks off from writing this newsletter, in part because I myself was coping, in part because of other work and travel — but it’s somehow the end of November already, and so I am back with two quick suggestions that I hope might make your Thanksgivings feel a bit less contentious and more connected. If you’re a long-time member of the How to Feel Alive community you’ll be familiar with this yearly ritual, but it’s worth repeating! (And you can use these suggestions even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.)

Make it a device-free dinner

As you know, I think that every meal time should be phone-free. But Thanksgiving is especially important. You’re likely sharing a meal with people you don’t see very often. Someone went out of their way to cook a turkey. And even the presence of just one phone at the table is going to tempt everyone else to check theirs, and disrupt the sense of community and presence that you’re trying to create.

So make your Thanksgiving table phone-free! To make this easier, I suggest simply letting people know ahead of time that the dinner table will be a no-phone zone. This way, people will know what to expect, and you won’t have to explain it again and again on Thanksgiving itself. Also, please keep in mind that if you are hosting, you have the right to ask people to keep their kids (and teenagers!) off screens at the table, too.

Give people something to talk about (that is not politics)

Technically, there is plenty to talk about right now. But do you really want to have that type of conversation (and/or fight, depending on your family dynamics) while you’re eating stuffing? I did not think so.

To make this easier, I’ve created a PDF of some prompts that you can print out, cut up, and use to start conversations. (We keep a bowl of these on our own table all the time.)

And to make it weirder, I decided to embrace the fading importance of my own human creativity, and asked ChatGPT if it could create some additional prompts. Here’s what I entered:

And here’s what it generated. It was unable to format these into a printable PDF, so I guess that, while AI is well on its way to obviating the need for human creativity, at least we can take comfort in the fact that we humans are often still required for menial, manual tasks like formating PDFs. The future is not all bleak! (Hmmm, wait a second. . . .)¹

Anyway, if anyone tries #8 in particular, please tell us about it in the comments.

1. "If you could invite any fictional character to Thanksgiving dinner, who would it be and why?"

2. "What’s the weirdest food combination you secretly love (or would like to try)?"

3. "What’s a family tradition—big or small—that you think should absolutely be passed down to future generations?"

4. "If you could have a house made entirely of one material (e.g., gingerbread, glass, or wood), what would it be and why?"

5. "What’s a skill or hobby you’ve always wanted to learn but never tried yet?"

6. "If Thanksgiving food had to compete in the Olympics, which dish would win gold, and which one would flop?"

7. "What’s a favorite memory from a holiday meal or gathering you’ll never forget?"

8. "If you could have a conversation with a talking turkey, what’s the first thing you’d ask it?"

9. "What’s something you loved doing as a kid that you wish you could still get away with as an adult?"

10. "If our family started a band, what would we call it, and who would play which instruments?"

    
    These prompts encourage creativity, nostalgia, and laughter—perfect for bridging generational gaps!

In other news:

• I’ve got a new “How to Feel Alive” podcast episode coming out next week wtih Katherine Martinko, author of the Analog Family podcast and the great book, Childhood Unplugged, about how she embraces the philosophy of digital minimalism with her own family. Stay tuned.

• Don’t forget about our paid subscriber chat, where you can interact with me and other “How to Feel Alive” community members. (I’ve been absent a bit recently because life has been so nuts, but I’m back!)

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• Speaking of chats, we also have our free group “delight” chat, where we share daily delights as a way to boost our spirits and stay present. Here’s one of my own from the past few weeks: this tree, which explodes into vibrant color every year.

When it does, I make a practice of pausing beneath it to look at its leaves flutter. This makes me look like I’m nuts and/or high. But it is very worth it — in fact, I made three friends join me in doing so just this past weekend, and I’d like to think that they enjoyed it.

This photograph does not do it justice. Nor does this video, which is my attempt to recreate my ritual for you. But trust me: IT IS MAGICAL.

Lastly, here’s a final question for you (generated by me, not a GPT):

What’s one of your favorite Thanksgiving traditions?

I’m genuinely curious: I’m very into using rituals and traditions to create a sense of meaning and connection, especially given that I don’t have many organized communities in my life. I’d love to hear any things you or your families do to make holidays—Thanksgiving, or in general—feel more special. (You can also drop them into our group chat if you want to have a more interactive conversation.)

To scrolling less, living more, and avoiding politics at Thanksgiving at all costs—

Catherine

1. If my friend Mike is reading this newsletter, then yes, Mike, I am aware that you can probably get Claude not only to format the conversational prompts for me, but to generate an AI video chatbot that will have these conversations with me, no humans required. That is very dystopian and when you share it with me, I will be upset. (And if you are Mike’s own GPT reading this newsletter on his behalf, my comment still stands. Though I kind of do want to know what you would ask a talking turkey.)