Thank you so much for this! As the mother of three teenagers in rural Wisconsin, kids here tend to have more freedom than it seems like they do in many other places. But my truest joy has come from seeing my oldest, who is currently working doing backcountry trail work in the mountains in Maine, and has zero access to cell service for weeks at a time. She just told me last week that she’s the happiest she’s ever been and she never uses her phone anymore except to call me. What an amazing confirmation of my parenting beliefs ❤️
I completely forgot to link to this excellent commentary on/analysis of the piece by @lenoreskenazy , who’s the founder of the Let Grow movement here in the states. (More info at https://letgrow.org/ )
What can I say, I may have just enjoyed your breakdown of the article more than the article itself! Thanks for unpacking the takeaways and I’d say, right on point. When my son was 14, we thought we sent him to Boston to a supervised summer hockey combine from our home in CA. One afternoon, I guess during downtime, he called me and excitedly announced he was walking around solo on the Harvard and MIT campuses after taking and Uber there! After a silent parental moment of WTF? I was like, “Okay, so how do they look?” I truely believe that moment of spreading his wings to see what was out there on his own, became a strong intrinsic motivator for a desire for a more academic path. At 16, he declared to us, I’m done with hockey, I want to get into college on my academics. It was a pivot that then required a tremendous amount of commitment and personal growth to forge an new direction—you can’t learn that stuff on YouTube! I so appreciate the visibility and solution-oriented focus you are bringing to the conversation around cell phone use, our kids, and their precious lives. I hope your writing and work in this area are catalysts for a positive movement around change. I’m in!
I read the original article and your analysis of it. As a teacher of middle schoolers and a parent of 3 young adults, I agree with everything you’ve said here. I’ll add that pushing your kids to get jobs is an essential part of developing confidence and competence, too. My kids all cut grass, babysat, dog walked before they were old enough for “real jobs” at 16. Most of their friends were deprived of the opportunity. One, an accomplished member of the high school swim team, told her mom she wanted to become a lifeguard for a summer job- pretty common where we live on the Long Island Sound- to which her mother replied,” No, that’s too much responsibility .” Very sad. My kids all stood taller because of those early jobs.
There’s more to this: Being able to do things on their own gives them confidence.
Confidence banishes depression. Kids are so dependent on their phones, it’s like having supervisors around every minute – as if they really can’t do anything on their own.
No wonder there’s so much depression with young people!
Not to mention the fact that they are being tracked at all times on their phones by their parents! I am one of the only parents I know who does not track my kids
I’m super interested in the peer pressure of school, sports teams, etc. in correlation with smartphone behavior. Are there differences in how homeschooled or traveling children use and view social media or is it pretty similar?
What a fun article! One of my children turns 13 soon, and I've been thinking of ways to help him mark that with greater independence. Kids want meaningful responsibility!
Also, it is very sweet to call their night out a wild camping trip.
Something that I think is interesting about the article is that it says it replaced their smartphones with the light phone, and they could have one hour of smartphone usage a day--and nothing else. So either their kids did not have or did not have access to: tablets, desktops, laptops, smart tvs, etc. Any of those devices could also provide access to the internet and social media. Did they not use these devices or do they not have these devices? What is the difference between accessing social media on a smartphone versus a tablet or desktop? Is it just the access to constant notifications?
Encouraged by this story... remember homeless kids had even better skills! I once said to a group of street kids that had been relocated to a farm lifestyle.. that they are the tribes of the future.. better able to cope than a suit with his credit car and expensive car!
Thank you so much for this! As the mother of three teenagers in rural Wisconsin, kids here tend to have more freedom than it seems like they do in many other places. But my truest joy has come from seeing my oldest, who is currently working doing backcountry trail work in the mountains in Maine, and has zero access to cell service for weeks at a time. She just told me last week that she’s the happiest she’s ever been and she never uses her phone anymore except to call me. What an amazing confirmation of my parenting beliefs ❤️
Beautiful! I loved that she discovered this and is able to feel the contrast. Such a powerful aha! moment.
I completely forgot to link to this excellent commentary on/analysis of the piece by @lenoreskenazy , who’s the founder of the Let Grow movement here in the states. (More info at https://letgrow.org/ )
https://open.substack.com/pub/jonathanhaidt/p/smartphone-free-camp-trip?r=283gd4&utm_medium=ios
What can I say, I may have just enjoyed your breakdown of the article more than the article itself! Thanks for unpacking the takeaways and I’d say, right on point. When my son was 14, we thought we sent him to Boston to a supervised summer hockey combine from our home in CA. One afternoon, I guess during downtime, he called me and excitedly announced he was walking around solo on the Harvard and MIT campuses after taking and Uber there! After a silent parental moment of WTF? I was like, “Okay, so how do they look?” I truely believe that moment of spreading his wings to see what was out there on his own, became a strong intrinsic motivator for a desire for a more academic path. At 16, he declared to us, I’m done with hockey, I want to get into college on my academics. It was a pivot that then required a tremendous amount of commitment and personal growth to forge an new direction—you can’t learn that stuff on YouTube! I so appreciate the visibility and solution-oriented focus you are bringing to the conversation around cell phone use, our kids, and their precious lives. I hope your writing and work in this area are catalysts for a positive movement around change. I’m in!
I read the original article and your analysis of it. As a teacher of middle schoolers and a parent of 3 young adults, I agree with everything you’ve said here. I’ll add that pushing your kids to get jobs is an essential part of developing confidence and competence, too. My kids all cut grass, babysat, dog walked before they were old enough for “real jobs” at 16. Most of their friends were deprived of the opportunity. One, an accomplished member of the high school swim team, told her mom she wanted to become a lifeguard for a summer job- pretty common where we live on the Long Island Sound- to which her mother replied,” No, that’s too much responsibility .” Very sad. My kids all stood taller because of those early jobs.
I completely agree! Both of my older teens grew up instantly after starting their very teen-friendly retail jobs at small local businesses.
There’s more to this: Being able to do things on their own gives them confidence.
Confidence banishes depression. Kids are so dependent on their phones, it’s like having supervisors around every minute – as if they really can’t do anything on their own.
No wonder there’s so much depression with young people!
Not to mention the fact that they are being tracked at all times on their phones by their parents! I am one of the only parents I know who does not track my kids
I’m super interested in the peer pressure of school, sports teams, etc. in correlation with smartphone behavior. Are there differences in how homeschooled or traveling children use and view social media or is it pretty similar?
Thx for this post. Well done!
I just shared the zen diagram (w your name on it) w a client. It was just what she needed (and what I needed too!) 💙
What a fun article! One of my children turns 13 soon, and I've been thinking of ways to help him mark that with greater independence. Kids want meaningful responsibility!
Also, it is very sweet to call their night out a wild camping trip.
Something that I think is interesting about the article is that it says it replaced their smartphones with the light phone, and they could have one hour of smartphone usage a day--and nothing else. So either their kids did not have or did not have access to: tablets, desktops, laptops, smart tvs, etc. Any of those devices could also provide access to the internet and social media. Did they not use these devices or do they not have these devices? What is the difference between accessing social media on a smartphone versus a tablet or desktop? Is it just the access to constant notifications?
Encouraged by this story... remember homeless kids had even better skills! I once said to a group of street kids that had been relocated to a farm lifestyle.. that they are the tribes of the future.. better able to cope than a suit with his credit car and expensive car!
So many good things about this article, and I also wondered if some part of the attraction to social media isn't also the lack of adult supervision?