How We Can Heal as a Country and Feel Less Alone
A "parting prescription" from US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy—plus some concrete suggestions for how to follow it.
Friends: As I write, wildfires are still devastating Los Angeles. I know that there are a lot of people from LA on this list, and I would love to show them the support of the How to Feel Alive community. There are more than 37,000 people who subscribe to this Substack: if even a small percentage of us donated to an aid organization, it could really add up. Here is a list of recommended organizations from the AP—and if you’d prefer a specific recommendation, a friend and colleague of mine who lives in LA and has been evacuated herself recommends the World Central Kitchen, which is distributing free meals to people who have been affected by the fires (and does the same thing for people in crisis situations around the world). If you donate, please leave a comment, so that anyone reading from Los Angeles can feel your support. And even if you don’t donate, please feel free to leave a kind comment—the world could use more of them!
Speaking of kind things (and kind people), here’s one of my most recent delights: I had the honor of heading to DC this past Wednesday to attend the farewell celebration for Dr. Vivek Murthy, the 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States.
In case you have not been keeping up with the goings on at the Surgeon General’s office—or have no idea who Vivek Murthy is—check out this video of what he and his office have done and accomplished during his two terms as Surgeon General. And then ask yourself: when’s the last time you heard a government official talk so much about love? (Foreshadowing has just occurred.)
In addition to issuing advisories and writing op-eds on things very near and dear to my own heart (e.g. his Social Media and Youth Mental Health advisory, his personal call for a warning label on social media platforms, his Advisory on Parental Mental Health & Well-Being, and his accompanying op-ed about parental stress), Dr. Murthy also started a podcast called House Calls—which is how I originally met him.
I subsequently read his book, Together: The Surprising Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World (which you can see clutched in my hand in the photo of the two of us—I highly recommend it), and I quickly became a Vivek Murthy superfan—an occupation that was seemingly shared by every single other person in the room.
And there’s a reason: he has an unusual calmness, grace, and warmth that makes people feel connected with him, appreciated, and seen. It’s something that multiple speakers commented on, and it’s immediately palpable to anyone who interacts with him. In fact, sometimes it’s literally palpable: just check out these photos of when it was my turn on the meet-and-greet line. We are not actually long-separated best friends. But don’t YOU now feel a little bit like Vivek Murthy just gave you a hug?
But hugs aside, the purpose of this post is two-fold: to tell you about some other things that delighted me about the day and the ceremony (new readers: this is part of our group “delight” practice), and—perhaps even more importantly—to share with you Dr. Murthy’s “Parting Prescription for America,” an essay he wrote about what he feels we, as individuals and a country, must do, to heal ourselves from our current divisions, reconnect with each other as human beings, and feel less alone.
Part I: Three of Catherine’s absurd delights from the farewell celebration for the United States Surgeon General:
Conversations that I had with fellow audience members.
As will quickly become apparent if you read his parting prescription, Dr. Murthy is all about connection. And, apparently, conversation prompts (which I am into, too — just ask anyone who has ever been to a party that I have hosted). As a result, this is what was on the screen for the half hour before the ceremony began.
Well, my “neighbor” happened to be a military officer—I believe a colonel—whose shaved head and military dress did not give off strong “Ask me about my happy place!” vibes.
But, as I pointed out to him in response to the look he gave me when I did ask him about his happy place, “Dr. Murthy said we had to ask this.” (“I guess he did,” responded my new friend, and told me that his happy place is “probably our living room couch on a Saturday morning,” which made my mandated follow-up question—”What does it smell like?”—even more amusing.)
The fact that the US Public Health Service has a theme song.
To be honest, I did not know much about the US Public Health Service at all before this ceremony. (Do you? Its history is very interesting! It was originally founded in 1798 to protect the health of sailors and immigrants, and today the USPHS Commissioned Corps provides medical care, conducts research, and fights disease in underserved communities, federal agencies, and around the world—and also responds to public health emergencies and natural disasters.)
But one thing I certainly did not know is that it has a theme song. More specifically, there is a “Public Health Service March,” and its lyrics go like this:
The mission of our Service is known the world around,
In research and in treatment no equal can be found.
In the silent war against disease no truce is ever seen,
We serve on the land, air and the sea for humanity,
The Public Health Service team!
I found this out because right after the arrival processional (which itself was fascinating and delightful—it literally involved a lot of bells and whistles, as well as enigmatic announcements with interesting histories, such as “Bos’n, Post Side Boys! Sound eight bells!”), the Public Health Service Commissioned Corps Ensemble (yes, they have an ensemble!) got up and sang it. In case you would like to hear how one sets those lyrics to music, here you go:
The fact that, right before arriving at the farewell celebration for the Surgeon General of the United States, I ate an entire bag of Cheetos for lunch.
I don’t know what came over me. I have type 1 diabetes, and rarely eat junk food, let alone the processed orange variety, let alone as a substitute for an entire meal. But when I got to Union Station, I was very hungry—and had a horrible realization that I had been invited to a “celebration,” not a “reception”—and that celebrations do not necessarily involve food. (Indeed, this one did not.)
But I was feeling so pressed for time that I didn’t investigate the many, many food options that I now know are available in Union Station (including a Chop’t salad bar). Instead, I looked at a newsstand, assuming I was going to have to eat a bag of nuts (one of the only diabetically friendly options available at newsstands). I did not want to eat a bag of nuts.
And then suddenly, something deep inside of me, a voice I don’t think I’ve ever heard before, let alone listened to, said “GET THE CHEETOS.” (Cheetoes?) And so I did. And I ate the whole bag. And then I stood in Union Station licking orange dust off my fingers, feeling gross, and laughing out loud at the fact that this was the food I had chosen to consume right before meeting “the Nation’s Doctor.”
Part II: Dr. Murthy’s Parting Prescription for America
Speaking of the Nation’s Doctor, let’s move on from my poor life choices and talk about Dr. Murthy’s actual parting prescription for America.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it does not involve Cheetos. Instead, it is a heartfelt encouragement for us to “question whether the constant hustle to chase fame, wealth, and power—the modern triad of success—is really what life is about.”
In Dr. Murthy’s view, these are not the values that will make us happy, healthy, or bring us together as a society. Instead, he believes that what we should be pursuing (and what we are currently lacking) is community. In his words:
The fracturing of community in America is driving a deeper spiritual crisis that threatens our fundamental well-being. It is fueling not only illness and despair on an individual level, but also pessimism and distrust across society which have all made it painfully difficult to rise together in response to common challenges.
His prescription is that we shift our focus from the “modern triad of success” mentioned above to the three core elements that he believes make community possible: relationships, service and purpose—all inspired and nurtured by what he calls “one core virtue”: love.
For a full explanation of what he’s talking about, I truly recommend reading the full prescription essay (it may make you cry, in a good way)—and sharing it as widely as possible.
What You Can Do Right Now:
In the prescription, Dr. Murthy offers several concrete suggestions for how we can turn these ideas into action. They include:
Build a practice of taking one action each day to help someone
Reach out to people we care about each day and prioritize time for regular connection, even if it is brief
Commit to gathering with friends and neighbors on a regular basis over food, music, walks, books, or sports
Create technology-free zones in our lives to focus our attention when we are with others, enhancing the quality of our interactions
Volunteer for a community organization (note: MLK National Day of Service is coming up on January 20, which strikes me as a well-timed opportunity to focus on the things we can control and do something positive for ourselves and our communities)
Do one small thing—or perform one small act of kindness— for someone we know or a stranger (like, for example, leaving a comment/making a donation for people affected by the wildfires)
Have conversations with our children about how to cultivate a sense of purpose that is rooted in contributing to the lives of others
“Building our relationships with one another requires the commitment to make social connection a priority and the courage to be vulnerable and real with each other. It requires expanding our circle of concern to people who may differ in background and beliefs but who are still part of our community—our neighbors, our coworkers and classmates, the families at our local schools, members of our local faith groups, and the many people in our neighborhoods whose lives and work touch our own.” —Vivek Murthy
Love Has the Power to Heal
I appreciate everything about Dr. Murthy’s parting prescription. But perhaps my favorite part of all is this passage about what he calls the “core virtue” of community: love.
“To build a community requires love. Love not as sentimentality, but as a commanding force with the power to build, strengthen, and heal. Love as generosity and kindness. Love as hope and grace. Love as courage.” —Vivek Murthy
It was remarkable—and deeply moving—to be at a ceremony for a departing federal health official and hear so many people talk, in such a heartfelt, vulnerable way, about love. (I don’t think this is what happens at the IRS.)
At the conclusion of his own speech, Dr. Murthy left us with these parting words:
“It is good people, with hearts full of love, who fundamentally will change the world.”
Here’s to scrolling less, living more, and being those people.
PS: Want to know what “love as courage” looks like? Going in for the second hug.
This is a beautiful paper by Dr Murthy and resonates so much with what we are trying to do in Europe. This sentiment is no different in Europe- we need to revitalize local community so that we can start listening to each other again and then at least understand other perspectives, even if they are different than our own.
I love everything about this newsletter post, Catherine. And I also wanted to note that "good people, with hearts full of love, who fundamentally will change the world" is a good description of you and your work here. Thank you for sharing your experience and letting all of us feel a little hugged by Dr. Murthy:)