How to Have a Device-Free Thanksgiving
My annual guide to creating a phone-free holiday table
Friends:
As longtime readers of this newsletter know, every Thanksgiving I invite my readers to make their holiday tables phone-free as a way to foster presence and connection between their families and guests.
This year, as AI-powered toys hit the shelves and an increasing number of Americans seek companionship in chatbots, creating moments of genuine human connection feels more urgent to me than ever—and Thanksgiving is an excellent opportunity to do so. It’s also a chance to model what presence and connection looks like to any kids and teens who are celebrating the holiday with you: if they see you setting boundaries with your devices, they’re more likely to do so themselves.
If you’re interested in trying this for your own Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving (or, if you’re not in the United States, your next group meal), here are some suggestions and resources to make it easier and more fun:
Tell your guests ahead of time that you’ll be asking people to put away their phones. If you get pushback, tell them that you’re really looking forward to getting to spend quality time with them, and (if applicable) that you’re trying to model good habits for your kids. (Or, if you’re feeling sassy, tell them that you’re making them dinner and the least they can do would be to put away their freaking phones for 45 minutes.)
Get a basket or attractive box that can hold everyone’s phones. If you have kids, ask them to make or decorate a sign for it. (This will help get your kids’ buy-in and get them excited about a sanctioned opportunity to boss around grown-ups.) You can also print/decorate/use this sign:
As your guests arrive (or as they sit down at the table), ask them to put their phones into the box/basket. Or, better yet, task one of your kids with being the “phone-gatherer.” Kids love telling adults what to do—and who’s going to say no to a five-year-old? (Or, for that matter, a teenager?)
Someone recently sent me this photo of his own phone basket (thanks, Tanner!). Decorative vases optional, but recommended. At dinner itself, use these prompts to spark some fun, cross-generational conversation. Print them out, cut them up, and put them in a bowl on the table, or slip one under each person’s place mat or place setting. (Do you have any favorite conversation starters of your own? Share them in the comments!)
Eat dinner. Converse. Connect. Notice how different it feels to be together with no one on their phone. (And consider making all your dinnertimes device-free.)
If it’s helpful, here are some images you can use on the socials (but then get out of the socials and back to real life):
And Also:
How to Talk With Kids about Tech
If the subject of technology comes up at your Thanksgiving table (which it likely will, given that you’ll be asking people to put away their phones!), here’s another resource you can share: The Amazing Generation, my new book for kids and tweens, co-authored with Jonathan Haidt (#1 NYT bestselling author of The Anxious Generation). The book comes out December 30th, but you can preorder it and get a free preview — complete with additional conversation prompts and an activity you and your kids can start brainstorming about at the Thanksgiving table—at AmazingGeneration.com
The Amazing Generation is the most personally meaningful book I’ve ever written: my own daughter is 10 years old, and I consider this book to be the biggest opportunity I’ll ever have to help her and her generation stand up to Big Tech and create lives for themselves that aren’t dominated by screens. Written for 9-12 year-olds—and relevant whether or not they already have smartphones or social media—it’s got a graphic novel, surprising facts, secrets that tech companies don’t want kids to know, insights from real teenagers who regret having gotten smartphones and social media early and want to help the younger generation avoid their mistakes, and practical suggestions for how people of all ages can fill their lives with more real friendship, freedom, and fun.
I believe that this is a message that all of us can benefit from, and I would be incredibly grateful for your help spreading the word to your own friends, families, and communities.
We can reclaim childhood from Big Tech if we work together—and Thanksgiving is a perfect opportunity to get started.
To scrolling less, living more, and creating moments of genuine connection -
A “brilliant volume” that “ring[s] with positivity” and “completely respects its audience.”
—School Library Journal
Thank you for the download of conversation prompts. I love the idea of having the young people be in charge of collecting the phones.
Yes, these are great! There are two directions -> what you've described, which is preparing YOUR home, when you're hosting. But there's also the other direction, which is preparing OTHER homes, when we're visiting. That's the direction I often hear about from followers.