I recently had the chance to sit down with Nir Eyal — who’s the bestselling author of Hooked and Indistractable — to talk about his new book, Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Extraordinary Results. In it, he writes about how to identify and replace the hidden beliefs that get in the way of us achieving our full potential and enjoying our lives.
As someone who wants to achieve her full potential and enjoy her life, I took away a lot from the conversation, and wanted to share a specific technique that Nir explained to me, in case you want to experiment with it yourself.
The Power of Challenging Your Own Beliefs
According to Nir — and contrary to what many of us might think — most of our decisions and emotional responses aren’t based on facts. Instead, they’re based on beliefs, which Nir defined to me as “convictions that are open to revision based on new evidence.”
As he explained, unlike faith (which people almost never change) and unlike facts (which you cannot change), beliefs are malleable. (Think about the last time you changed your mind about someone or something — that’s an example of you changing a belief.)
According to Nir, our beliefs affect us in three ways: they change what we see (because our beliefs affect what we notice), they change what we feel (because our beliefs have an emotional impact on us), and, ultimately, they change what we do (because we so often act on what we believe).
Put this together and it means that by figuring out which of our beliefs are serving us and which are hurting us — and by challenging (and perhaps adjusting) our own beliefs — we can change the way we experience our own lives.
Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction
One way to do that is to use an evidence-backed strategy called “inquiry-based stress reduction.” Here’s a high-level overview of how it works.
When you notice yourself reacting powerfully to something, you take a breath (maybe a bunch!) and then try to identify the belief behind the emotion. For example, when Nir sent his mother a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, he was expecting her to gush about how thoughtful and loving he was. Instead, she pointed out that the flowers had arrived wilted and suggested he never use that florist again.
Nir’s first response was outrage: why was she always so critical?
But then, inspired by his work on beliefs (and with some prodding from his wife and co-author, Julie Li), he identified the belief behind his emotion (namely, that his mother was always critical). Then he asked himself whether perhaps the opposite could be true.
Was it really true that his mother was always critical? Probably not — no one is always a particular way. What’s more, it occurred to him that perhaps his mother actually wasn’t trying to be critical at all, but rather was trying to provide him with some useful feedback that he could use in the future? Even just considering this alternative perspective softened his response.
To me, one of the most interesting parts of this story is that, according to Nir, it doesn’t really matter which of those two beliefs are ultimately true. Maybe his mom was indeed being critical—and it’s part of a larger trend. Maybe she was trying to help him out. The point is that, once he’d identified these two potential interpretations (in other words, once he’d built what he calls a portfolio of perspectives), he was able to choose which one he wanted to believe. And by choosing which belief to hold on to, he changed his emotional response (and, for that matter, how he felt about his mom).
I’ve been playing around with this idea myself and it’s interesting to see how “collecting” some potential alternative beliefs can shift your perspective and give you more of a sense of control. So the next time you notice yourself reacting instinctively to something, try asking, “Could the opposite of what I believe be true?” — followed by, “Which of these beliefs would serve me best?”
To scrolling less, living more, and challenging our own beliefs,
PS: As something special for my paid community, I like to ask my podcast guests to share a ritual or activity that makes them personally feel more alive. I was not expecting Nir to answer the way he did! (Keep scrolling for the clip.)
